Dating a guy who takes drugs

The bottom line is it's up to you to decide what you want to put in your body and whom you want to date. Frankly I'm not at all clear on what you're looking to get for an answer here, besides a bunch of people posting judgmental nonsense and telling you to dump your boyfriend. If this is a problem for your relationship it's probably not going to change and you should break up.

If it's not a problem, don't worry about it. But having a sensible, informed, non-alarmist outlook on drug use is a good idea in any case. I was very nearly involved with someone who was into recreational drugs, and we disagreed a lot about their necessity, frequency of use, etc. Ultimately our different views on the subject is what kept us from a closer relationship. I recognized that I couldn't form anything long-term with this guy, not without constantly daily dealing with his "minor" drug habits that I did not entirely approve of. I think unless you can accept all of what a person is or does, without hidden nagging doubts or reservations, the relationship is bound to get weaker and weaker.

Especially when you feel like there are health risks the other person is ignoring. Personally, I could never give all of myself to someone who I knew was harming themselves and blowing it off. Could you really deal with that? Really think about what you want, because you two really are in different worlds right now that don't seem to be meshing at all. It's you, or the drugs.

Experience tells me that he'll choose the drugs over you, every time. It's a harsh reality. You'll save yourself a lot of headaches and heartaches that way.

Next week: Is divorce the only way to move on?

To make the situation a bit clearer, especially in response to eattheweak, I don't tend to hang out with him when he's " enlightening" himself, but I'm often with him when he's smoking dope and I've been present at parties and festivals or gatherings of friends where he takes MDMA or acid. I don't expect him or his friends to stop taking drugs but I have to disagree when it comes to their reasoning. I did dabble in drugs, did acid, smoked, took shrooms, but I did it just out of fun, curiosity and peer pressure.

I'm not against it for a bit of fun, I like to get a bit drunk now and again. I just have a problem with the continually taking all sorts of things in order to better themselves, and their disregard of my opinion. I have a great time with him when he's not under-the-influence but I agree that we probably don't have much of a future. I've been seeing this guy for over 6 months now, and everything is absolutley wonderful, except It's the fact that, 6 months into the relationship, you're trying to fix him. Not a good pattern to get into. But then, I've said that before.


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Btw, the fixing issue is kinda going both ways. As much as I'm telling him that I don't think he's drug taking is justified or necessary, and he's saying I'm immature and I can't understand him or his friends until I lose my ego apparently through tripping? I'm thinking this isn't going to last much longer. I guess I'm better suited to someone with the same views. While he's getting high to remove his ego and experience personal growth and development, what are you doing?

Just sitting in a room, watching him and his friends dork around? If he's interested in personal growth and development, what other things is he doing to grow and develop? Anything interesting, or just the drugs? I'd dump him just for being that dull. This isn't a drug issue at all, is it?

I agree with A Terrible Lama. It sounds like he's 16 years old. People do drugs for fun, then make up an excuse for why they're more than just drug users. If you can't admit that you're doing it for fun, you aren't old enough to do it. I'd also dump him if he's doing any of the drugs that are addictive enough that people are willing to visit someone squatting in an abandoned house or lie to a doctor for their fix.

I want my boyfriend to stop taking drugs

That doesn't end well. Screw that if he's doing it, because he's a time bomb.


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If it's just pot or even occasional LSD use you're fighting about, I'd call you a bit controlling. You actively disapprove of something he enjoys. That gets old, no matter what we're talking about: I'd be irritated if my wife banned me from tinkering in the garage because she found it loathsome. You should limit your control of his life to the point where it intersects yours. Pot is as harmless as things come from a physiological standpoint.

More dangerous than water, but vastly less dangerous than a hamburger. Put it this way: Yet despite decades of trying, the worst you can conclusively say about even HEAVY pot use is that it causes temporary short term memory problems and small-but-statistically-significant increases in rare neck cancers and maybe psychotic episodes in those predisposed to them. Is he acting stupid? Coming home too late?

Dating a drug-user? - relationships love drugs | Ask MetaFilter

Gaining weight from the munchies? Useless as a conversational partner because he's high all the time? Unmotivated to move his life forward?


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  • Private lives: I want my boyfriend to stop taking drugs | Life and style | The Guardian.

Those things are legit to call him on. Spending two hours a week harmlessly sitting stoned on a couch with friends? I've had my share of fun times. But these days I'm a crusty homebody who rarely goes out, so it helps to have a partner who is on the same page.

Unfortunately, there's an ultimatum forming here "It's me or the drugs" and unless he stops this behavior, you are never going to be okay with this. It will be "the thing" that spells out the demise of your relationship. I don't mean to make light of your situation, but this reminded me one of Chris Rock's standup routines and there's a lot of truth here: Whatever you into, your woman gotta be into, too, and vice versa You can't be like, ''l'm going to church, where you going? I was a drug user pot, 'shrooms, acid in a relationship with a non-drug user.

It drove a wedge between us and if it wasn't for almost dying after taking an ungodly amount of acid, we would have broken up because at the time I felt like I wasn't being my whole self with my partner.

I realize, a decade later, that I was being a tosspot. I used a lot of the same rationalizations that it sounds like your boyfriend is using and they were really only justifications for wanting to get stoned.

I think it's possible for people to use drugs recreationally and have known several people who have done so but it sounds like your fella is so far from this that it requires some sort of snappy witticism to highlight the fact. Fortunately, I hit a low point and realized that I had to make some changes in my life.

Perhaps you two taking some time off could help him realize that him acting in this way will have consequences. At the very least, I think you should take some space just because it's not healthy for you to have to deal with this situation. You deserve to be more important than his friends or his drugs.

My eyes just rolled out of my head and down the hall. There is nothing more tedious than listening to a gaggle of stoners ramble on about how deep they think they are. An entire subgenre of comedy is built upon making fun of stoners who think they're deep, and you know who writes most of it? Because even stoners know that stoners who take themselves seriously are dipshits. Yeah, I feel that people who really try to pressure other people into doing their frequent drug of choice are either immature, or addicted and uncomfortable with that.

My boyfriend and I have the same views on recreational drugs, and it's a lot of fun, and we can talk about the risks and monetary costs and what we don't like and do like rationally and easily without fighting. Same as with money, or religion, or any big issue couples either need to agree on or be cooperative about. If we were having crazy arguments about any of these subjects all the time, I don't think I'd be happy.

What the expert thinks: Linda Blair

There's a difference between accept and agree. You aren't going to convince him, and he isn't going to convince you. Either accept that your guy takes drugs, or split up if that's a dealbreaker. For dealing with situations where drugs are either around or mentioned, don't get into a conversation about them. If his friends start talking about them, just smile, nod and change the subject. They're probably pre-emptively talking about them so they don't feel attacked when you talk about them. The same goes for him.